Hibernation

I. Hate. Winter. I am totally one of "those people" that wishes for cold during the summer, and wishes for warmth during the winter. Fall/Spring are by far my favorite seasons. Not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket. (Had to quote good old Cheryl Frasier. Couldn't have said it better myself sista!)

I like to look at snow. Untouched snow is the best, absolutely beautiful! I just don't understand the thrill of playing in the snow. It's just not my "thing." Even as a child, I would be pumped to go outside and play with the neighborhood kids. But the second the snow dampened my socks and all my clothing, it was game over. I just can't find the fun in not feeling my fingers or toes, every inch of my body being cold, and then when you try to warm yourself up in the shower, it physically HURTS. Like that one time we vacationed in Deep Creek during spring break, and it snowed. Someone bet me that i wouldn't get in the lake, The lake that had a thin sheet of ice on it. I cracked right through, sat in the lake, and immediately realized why this was such a bad idea. I felt my bones turning to ice. So what did I do? I ran up to the house and got in the hot tub. I'm surprised my bones didn't literally shatter. 

And now, as an adult with no children, the only good snow brings is either a delay, or on the rare (non existent) occasion, a snow day! But this winter, all we are getting are these dustings that just make everything a little more inconvenient. The one delay we had this year, i didn't even know there was a delay so i went to work on time! Typical.

I am over you, Winter. 

I know this is totally irrelevant, but this is where Rota is insisting on sitting right now.
Makes it really super easy to see what i am writing.

Rota the Cat-Dog

Clay and I invested in an "apartment minion" a couple months ago. AKA - Rota the cat. Clay suggested that it would be a great source of entertainment around the apartment, and I totally agreed! Isn't there some saying out there along the lines of "A house is not a home without a pet..." I feel like I have seen it on a doormat, or some DIY sign... But I definitely feel that way! Growing up, my mother was the animal whisperer. She LOVES animals. When I was younger there was never a time that we didn't have at least 2 dogs, a stray cat coming from the vet that she worked at that needed love and affection before it was strong enough to go to a loving home, we would dog sit everyones dogs, we even had stray cats just show up on our doorstep that wouldn't go away, and last but not least - we actually owned a cat, a cat named Splat. I'm pretty sure Splat ended up living up to her name...

Back to the topic on hand - Rota - Our apartment minion, or we like to very accurately refer to him as - our Cat-Dog.

It starts at bedtime.
We climb into bed, and to him, it means "LIGHTS OUT - TIME TO PARTY. WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS MOVING UNDER THE COVERS. I THINK I NEED TO ATTACK THEM TO PROTECT MY HUMANS."
Everyone told us that we should lock him out of our room at night, but the first day we brought him home, he claimed the bathroom in our room (of course) so if we shut the door at night, he will tear that bitch down - without a doubt.
Somehow - in the midst of him biting our toes under the covers, playing with his damn jingle ball, or the empty gallon of milk, or ANYTHING in the house that makes noise - we will fall asleep.

I understand that those are pretty normal things for a cat. But the real strange things start happening around 4AM. He will climb onto our pillows, and literally walk on our eyeballs. You know, the first time I just wrote it off as his foot just happened to end up in my eye socket - but then it started happening every night. Im starting to get the feeling that it is intentional. After walking ALL over our faces, he will situate himself on top of one of us, and start to attack our jewelry. Chewing on clays necklace or earrings, and when he gets frustrated and pushes him off, Rota will move right on over to me. We started taking our jewelry off before bed, and he still goes for the area where the necklace WOULD be, if we hadn't taken them off, which just ends up hurting.

Once the alarms start going off around 5/6, its game over. I will never be allowed to snooze again in my life. No matter what he is doing when the alarm goes off - he will run as fast as he possibly can, claws gripping the carpet to round the corners, and he will launch himself onto our eyeballs - yet again. (I only know this because I watch him every morning when Clays alarms go off. I will have to record it next time.) He will actually lick our eyeballs in order for us to wake up to feed him. Right when I climb out of bed - he SCREAMS until i feed him. He is the hungriest, and most vocal cat I have ever seen. For real, tonight we had to take his food out of the pantry to clean something up, and I just caught him face deep into his bag of food. You would think that we starve the guy. I already fed him dinner tonight which was a fiasco in itself. I was reaching down to put his food bowl down, and he swatted it out of my hand because he was SO hungry and food went EVERYWHERE. Then it turned into a game for him to not let me clean up. I ended up locking him in the bedroom so i could clean it up, and i wasn't kidding, he almost tore that door down.

I think this is the ONLY time he relaxed before finishing his food.

All in all, I love this cat. He is family. An asshole, yes. But family nonetheless. He knows cool party tricks like eating food out of your mouth and koala bear hugging your arm, while kangaroo kicking you with his hind legs. He begs for your food, and if you don't give it to him he will find a way to get to it. He gets locked in closets and cabinets because he is too curious for his own good, and he cries when you leave the house. He will look me directly in the eyes as he pushes something off the coffee table, and he hides all my chapsticks under the furniture. He is wild and crazy, and he fits in perfectly with this family.

Simple Pleasures.

I think its safe to say that I am easily pleased. So easily pleased that some may wonder how I could ever NOT be pleased. For example: I was having a bad day at work, when my boss came out of his office with a random box of little trinkets. He had been cleaning out his office (which let me tell you - it absolutely looked like a bomb went off in there) and said that whatever was in the box was up for grabs and whatever was left was getting thrown away. I walked away with this: 

WHO KNEW that a plastic banana with a smiley face giving me the title of "Top Banana" would make my week. Every time I look at that darn banana it puts a smile on my face. I told him to order more. Different fruits though please. Top Apple. Top Grape. Top Kiwi. Maybe even some exotic, out of the ordinary fruits, like Top Star Fruit. The list goes on and on! By the time I leave my job, I would like an entire fruit basket of plastic smiling fruit. 

Don't judge me.

Getting to the point - here is a list of some of my simplest pleasures: 

NUMBER 1 will always and forever be..... Target Trips

These trips, without a doubt, cure any kid of stress, annoyances, and bad days. Or it could just make a good day even better! My addiction to target could be considered a problem, and I'm okay with that. The first step is admitting you have a problem, and that is far as I will go with this addiction. 

To make this simple pleasure even better - finding a good item on sale at Target is like finding a $20 bill in a pair of pants you haven't worn in months. (I think that is a simple pleasure for anyone in their right mind.)

2 - Coffee.
I don't know of many things that really set my mood for the day like coffee does. It is the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. We just have such have a special bond. So special, that I get headaches without it in my life. This is starting to sound like a list of my addictions.

Of course I had to get a cup large enough to feed my addiction.
Meet Harold, my large and in charge coffee mug.

3 - Narwhals.
You don't see these bad boys too often, so when they pop up somewhere, it seriously makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Only people that are very close to me know my true love for narwhals. I mean come on, its the unicorn of the sea!

"Bye Buddy, Good Luck finding your dad!"

4 - Mustaches.
Not necessarily mustaches on a guy. I'm talking more of.... things that i can put on my face so that i can say "i mustache you a question."
I get a huge kick out of that.

5- Last but not least, Getting messages like this from my best friend (who just happens to work just a few cubicles away from me) Mind you, this is not just any old cupcake. This is the crème de la crème coming from the cupcake gods:

Des 4:06 PM

Wanna bite of my cupcake?

I even got milk

She knows the way to my heart.

Kyakalacking

I am generally a pretty active person. I have never been one to turn down doing something outside. When we were little, our neighbor always had us go with them on adventures. One day it was mountain biking, one day sailing, and the next day we were throwing on our roller blades (does anyone roller blade anymore? that was my shit) and we would ride up to the school a couple blocks up and play street hockey. I played softball for years and years and years, and absolutely loved it until I got into my "I want to do the exact opposite of what my parents want" phase and decided to quit. That was one of those situations where they told me I would regret it later down the road and they were totally right. Not like I would have been a professional softball player or anything, but I enjoyed doing it. I played soccer at one point, until I fell in the mud and was TOTALLY embarrassed and it deterred me from playing soccer ever again. Give me a break, i was like 6 years old, and a pansy - obviously. The point I am trying to make is that I am not athletically challenged. I am, and always have been, a pretty athletic individual, and I catch on to new activities pretty quickly. Lauren on the other hand I can't say the same for. BUT she has most definitely improved with age. Me on the other hand, I need to get back into my groove. This winter, was a long winter. Yes, that is my excuse.

Clay, Eric and I went kayaking this weekend. Yes, with the kayaks that were supposed to be a birthday surprise. (Although they didn't end up being a birthday surprise, they are still AWESOME.)

Papa Smurf and Green Bean.

Boo and Bear with Papa Smurf and Green Bean.

We had an absolute blast! The weather was perfect, one of the nicest days we have had since "spring" started. I say spring very loosely since last night, APRIL 15TH, we got snow. Lauren and I went to Yoga last night, and on the way home it started snowing. SNOW. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I was driving in my rinky-dink matchbox car, one headlight out, the other one not shining ANY light because it is all foggy, windshield wipers that SUCK and need to be replaced, couldn't find my glasses, and my damn windows kept fogging up so I had to keep the cold air on! Needless to say, THAT ride home sucked.

Back to the topic on hand:                      
I have only been kayaking once or twice before. I forgot how much of a work out it was! Holy Moly! Clay is a SUPER fast kayaker. Hes like a freak of nature. He glides through the water like its nothing. I am pretty sure this was Eric's first time kayaking, but he was fast too! If you are catching my vibe here, I obviously was not as fast as them. Not even close. I was practically playing catch up the whole time. But never actually catching up.
When we first started I was getting the feel of the Kayaks and following Clay's directions as I have never been on this reservoir before. He tells us we are going towards the pine trees. So I get going, trying to get a lead. I am rowing my tiny little arms off as fast as I could, when I realize, I AM AHEAD OF EVERYONE! My mini victory got shot down faster than Clay can kayak when i realized the reason he was so far back was because he was messing with his Go Pro getting it set up. Once he was done, he caught up prettty quick, and once again, I was in third place.

We turned around and started going in the other direction. I was able to keep up pretty well. I may have been in third place the whole time, but it was a steady pace. We kept our distance. I wasn't gaining on them, but I wasn't loosing them either. We stopped, tied our boats together, and it was time for selfies! I love me some selfies.

(All these photos come from my instagram which you can find here.)

We had been on the reservoir all day, kayaking from one end to the other, napping, catching some rays that were reflecting off Eric's skin, snacking, and selfie-ing.  It was about that time to head back to the car before Eric burnt to a crisp (little did we know, it was too late, He was already a tomato.)  We started heading back and this time, I just couldn't keep up. My poor little bear arms were tired, I had blisters forming/already ripped open from my grip-less paddle, which i blame for me being such a slow poke. Not just because it was gripless, but my paddle distinctly is labeled "drifter." Now, i don't know about you, but to me the word drifter does not sound like something that would go fast. 

So at this point, Clay and Eric are so far ahead of me I was nervous I was going to be forgotten and left out on the reservoir lost and tired. Clay looks back at me and waves, "HEY BEAR! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN BACK THERE?!" (Shouty capitals because he was so far he was shouting.) 

My reponse: Silence. Half because I was tired, hungry, cranky from too much sun with no food. Half because - what do you think I'm doing? I'm just hangin' back here for shits and giggles, Makin' sure everything is good back here in the rear! Keeping an eye out for Big Foot and the Loch Ness Moster!

I mean, I would watch clay take a break, and then keep going, and then taking another break, and continuing on. Me on the other hand, every time he took a break, I took it as my chance to catch up! So I would paddle as fast as my tired baby arms could go, and before I knew it, he started again and I had lost all the distance I had gained. No breaks for bear! At one point he finally stopped and waited for me to catch up. It was sweet, but then he squashed the sweetness by basically taunting me, sitting there and  kayaking in circles while my slow poke finally got to him. He did not taunt me on purpose, but in my cranky mind, it was totally on purpose. He then stuck with me the whole way back.

We get to where we pull the kayaks in to put them on the car, and there are trees that are hanging over the water. Just branches and stuff. So we are going through those, and I was dodging the trees like a champ. My strong suit of kayaking. Until i lift my paddle to take another stoke and BAM, branches to the head. I had lifted my paddle too high and hit a branch, causing a large chunk to knock me in the head, and then there were little branches scattered through my kayak. HAHA, only bear.  

All in all, I had such a great time and can't wait to go again. Even if I am the slow poke in the back of the pack, I'll take it over sitting in the house on a beautiful day. I can't thank Clay enough for taking me out and letting me use good ol' green bean. In that time out on the reservoir, Green bean and I gained a special bond that can't be broken.

OH - and then Sunday was mine and Clay's 6 month.

I love this man. 

Adios Bitchachos

When I was 7 years old I went on vacation to Bermuda with my family. Unfortunately, there are only a couple things I remember from this trip.

           1. The pink sand.
           2. The pink houses.
           3. Coming across two barracudas while snorkeling. I was only 7, this scared the shit out of
               me.
           4. My mom putting a fake lizard on my shoulder. I was only 7, this scared the shit out of me
               even more.

After that trip, I mostly went to places like Ocean Shitty, North Carolina...... annnnd that's about it. I mean I'm not made of money over here. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love going to ANY beach, but nothing compares to actually being able to see your feet in the white sand when you are in the crystal clear water. If you have ever been to Ocean Shitty or North Carolina you know that you can have your hand only an inch under the water, and there's not a chance in hell you would be able to see it.

Well, In March of 2013 my wonderful Mother, Aunt Robbie, and Uncle Mark surprised us with a trip to St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. February 22nd of 2014, Casa Lupa was our destination, and  I couldn't contain my excitement. The 11 month countdown began.  Longest 11 months of my life. I mean, getting pictures like this in my email definitely didn't make the wait any easier:

THIS was going to be my front yard?!!? Yes, Yes it was. 

February 22nd slowly but surely arrived, and off we went. Casa Lupa here we come!!
Now, when Lauren and I are together, we are a lot to handle. We have our own... quirky sense of humor... Some (most) people think we are actually pretty funny, but after a while (Lauren and I tend to really run jokes into the ground. but hey - we still think its HI-larious) everyone starts to think it turns into annoying. We have been told on many occasions that people can only take us together in certain doses.
These people include: My brother in law Joe, Mama Bear, Aunt Robbie, Uncle Mark, and above all - strangers.
Some (very few) people, think we are the funniest people in the whole universe - at all times.
These people include: Me, and Lauren. (Short list, I know. I don't understand it either.)
With that said - I knew that 6 hours on a plane after 0 hours of sleep was going to be, well,  AWESOME. At first I had planned on sleeping the whole way. Who was I kidding. Who sleeps on the way to paradise?! Instead, we took glamour shots. AKA Selfies. LOTS of selifes.

 

                  

                   

I would say that this is only about a quarter of our selfie collection. Now this guy, this guy just looks like/probably did have had pure hatred for us:

Our motto of the trip quickly became: 

DONT CAREEEE.

What we like to call "Island time" is a wonderful thing. On island time, the phrase "DONT CAREEE" can be applied towards anything and everything.

- Annoying everyone on the plane? - DONTTT CARE!

- Going out for a nice lunch, that turns into getting drunk at 12PM on a Tuesday, which leads to me winning a Mexican dancing competition as a late entry - leading to more alcohol? - DONTTT CARE!

- Realizing we are out of SPF 30 sunscreen and if you wear anything less you are basically asking to burn like a lobster? DONTTT CARE! SPF 15 it is!

- Spilled Doritos all over the trunk of the rental car? DONTTT CARE!

- I'll be lucky if I come home with even $20.00 left in my pocket... DONTTT CARE! 

- Swearing not to drink on the last night, because who wants to be hungover on a plane for 6 hours, but still ending up getting hamboned and shutting the beach down?! - DONTTT CARE!

                            Next Day: Totally cared.

Unfortunately, (Or fortunately, depending how you look at it) that motto came home with us.

Great example for today! I'm not getting any work done today. DONT CARE.

I'm sure boss man would love this phrase. 

Who knew it was this hard to surprise someone...

I would like to start out by saying that I take pride in the fact that I am a great gift giver. Not to toot my own horn, but *toot toot*. With that said, My boyfriend is the hardest person to get a gift for. For Christmas, we agreed that we were just going to do stocking stuffers. We had just started dating, money was tight, it seemed appropriate. So I do the typical stocking stuffers. Goldfish, Carmex, body lotion, and other things and stuff. You know, little nick nacks, Stocking stuffers. Christmas morning comes along, and he gives me my gifts. Lo and behold, he got me a Pandora bracelet that had a charm on it that he got me and a charm that his parents got me. He also got me a beautiful pair of earrings. When i say beautiful, I mean they are absolutely gorgeous. I loved everything - but then there i am, giving him a bag of fucking goldfish. Dropped the ball on THAT holiday, that is for sure. I told him that I would make up for it on his birthday, and I would PROVE that I am indeed a great gift giver.

Birthdays are my FAVORITE. I love knowing that I made someones day special. My family has always been big on Birthdays. So when other people aren't as enthused about their birthday as I am, I am even more determined to make it an amazing day for them.

Clay's birthday is now less than a month away. When I originally brought it up, it wasn't something that was a big deal for him like it is for me. About a month ago, I told him that he is not allowed to get anything for himself until his birthday. When he wants something, he is impatient and just can't wait, so he gets it. Its just the type of person he is. I know this, and I love him for it, BUT this is why i had to specifically tell him NOT to get himself anything - TWO months in advance. Well, about a week after i told him that, he ruined Birthday surprise number one.

Brithday Surprise #1 - A Go Pro. He has been really into doing his videos and a go pro is something he really wanted to add to his collection of toys. It is perfect for the shoots he does. I was so excited, and proud of myself for thinking of something he would really like, and get great use out of. Ready to redeem myself from my goldfish fiasco. So, ONE WEEK after I tell him not to buy anything for himself, we are sitting at the bar and he turns to me and says "I am getting a Go Pro tonight. Lets hurry so we can get to Best Buy before they close." Please tell me this is a joke.
We went to Best Buy that night 30 minutes before they closed, and he purchased his damn Go Pro.

After this I had to come up with something new, which isn't necessarily hard when it comes to him. He wants and needs so many things, it's pretty easy to come up with a new idea. So one night, it hits me like a ton of bricks...

Birthday Surprise #2 - A KAYAK. DUH. He talks about going kayaking ALL the time. How he can't wait for summer, and how we are going to go kayaking all the time and how much fun he had last summer. I was pretty proud of myself on this one. I talked to all his friends to figure out which one he would want. Had plans to go with one of his friends to look/purchase his brand new kayak. Needless to say, I. WAS. PUMPED. I even found one of those HUGE red bows that people normally put on new cars. (I have always wanted a reason to use one of those things, and this was the PERFECT time.) So, last Saturday, what does Clay suggest? You got it. "Hey babe, lets go look at Kayaks this weekend! I want to get a pair so that we can really have a great summer and go whenever we want."
Really? I mean come on. You have got to be kidding me. This can not be real life.
Oh but it was. We went to REI, and I knew there was nothing i could do to stop him at that point. I know he was doing it with the best of intentions. BUT STILL - Birthday Surprise number 2, squashed.

After a ton of racking my brain of what ideas I had left, and a little help from his friends, I now have the PERFECT idea. Lets hope I can successfully pull this one off.
Seriously, if he buys this for himself, I will cry. No doubt. Cry or scream.

Stay tuned for Birthday Surprise #3 - Coming April 22nd. 

Five Things Friday.

My sister is the one who originally got me interested in blogging. I love keeping up with her blog. Never did I think that I would be able to keep up with MY OWN blog, considering she has had to send me the link to hers about a thousand times because I continuously lost it in my damn bookmarks. 1. I am not computer challenged, I swear. The bookmarks section on my IPhone is just way too confusing for this chick. I'll just continue to keep all my windows up and drain the crap out of my battery. 2. I am not a horrible sister either. That she can vouch for. 

To ensure that I keep up with my blog and get at least one post in per week (at a minimum, of course), I will start my "Five Things Friday" lists. All this is, is Five things that happened throughout my week that are somewhat noteworthy that I have not touched on in previous blogs. So - Here goes nothin'-   

FIVE THINGS FRIDAY

• The Washington D.C. Zoo has a new baby Panda named Bao Bao. My mother is the BIGGEST animal lover you will ever meet in your life. I mean - She watches the "Bao Bao Camera" while she is at work. Well, I get a call from her after only being at work for about an hour and she sounds so concerned. "Bao Bao is stuck upside down in a tree! A tree that is SO high up!! I am worried! She is exhausted and looks like she is going to fall! I hope she is able to get down!"
  Tragic - I KNOW. Unfortunately, hell on earth (my office), has the D.C. Zoo's website blocked. Yup - thats right. I am not able to look at all the adorable animals, or watch bao bao stuck in a tree, but I am able to spend 2 hours writing a blog. WACK. Don't worry, My mother sent me screen shots all day:

Mama was right there when she finally shimmied her way down the tree after being stuck for 5 hours. You go Bao Bao.

• One of my biggest loves in life is shoes. I mean, I have this insane bond with shoes that can't be broken. Throwing away a pair of shoes just isn't an option. That's like throwing away a piece of my soul. Unfortunately, my amazing collection of shoes has been gathering dust. So, although I am not required to dress up too nice for work, I broke out some shoes that I purchased and never wore. They have just been begging to be worn for MONTHS. The fire in my heart for shoes is burning yet again, and I am loving it. 

• Community Yoga Tuesdays. My sister is my best friend in the world. (READ HER BLOG.) Unfortunately, a couple years ago she left me. That bitch moved an hour away from me! BUT, we have made due, and found excuses to see each other. This week was the first week that we started taking a community yoga class. We took one yoga class together when we were much younger. Once the part came where everyone is sitting criss cross apple sauce and humming the peaceful "omm" chant all at the same time - we lost it. One of those laughs where in a dead silent room, you just cant hide it. We had no idea they did that in real life. Well, this Tuesday, the only thing she tells me before we walk in - "Don't fart. EVERYONE will be able to hear it." Duly Noted - Don't Fart. I think I can handle that. Well we were in some kind of squatting goddess pose, and my old lady hip decides to pop. Has your hip ever popped? It feels amazing, but TOTALLY sounds like a fart. Lauren's back was to me, but I know that she heard it because she started to turn he head towards me. I immediately had to look away because I could feel the laughter coming. Once we make eye contact in a situation like this, theres no stopping us. The laughter tears start flowing and they just don't stop. I can't wait for future yoga excursions. 

  

  Bear and Boar

• First day of spring: March 20. Weather Report for Saturday March 29th and Sunday March 30th: Rain Rain Rain. And apparently when they said rain, they meant a good 4 inches of snow. What the hell mother nature. TEN days into one of my favorite seasons ever and you decide to throw MORE fluffy white shit at us? This is just rude. Obviously due to the hatred of the frozen precipitation falling from the sky, I sure as hell wasn't going to document this sad spring day the way you would during the first snow of the WINTER season. Fear not, during the blizzard Clay captured a wonderful photo of his brother who obviously embraced the first and last snow fall of the 2014 spring season. (Photo Credit: Clay Gwin. CCG Media. Model: Eric Gwin. Obviously Eric wasn't dressed properly for the weather.)

  

  What is this, some kind of Under Armour Ad or something?

• Smores Brownies. I mean... There is no explanation needed here... (Credit goes to Mrs. Gwin. She is an amazing cook.) 

I hate to say it, but I didn't get the chance to try one of these bad boys. It is OKAY - Just looking at them is like being in heaven.